38.
TO MAJA
EINSTEIN
[Zurich, 1898]
If
things
had
gone my way,
Papa
would have looked for
employment
already
2
years ago,
and he and
we
would have been
spared
the worst...
What
depresses
me
most
is,
of
course,
the misfortune of
my poor
parents
who have not
had
a
happy
moment
for
so
many years.
What
further hurts
me
deeply
is that
as an
adult
man,
I have to look
on
without
being
able
to
do
anything.
After all, I
am
nothing
but
a
burden to
my
family...
It would indeed be better if I
were
not alive
at all. Only the thought that I have
always
done whatever
lay
within
my
modest
powers,
and that
year
in,
year
out I do not
permit myself
a
single pleasure,
a
distraction
save
that
which
my
studies
offer
me,
sustains
me
and
must
sometimes protect
me
from
despair.
39.
TO
MILEVA MARIC
Zurich
Wednesday [16 February 1898]
Esteemed Miss!
The desire to write to
you
has
finally
overcome
the bad
conscience that
plagued
me
because I haven't
replied
to
you
for such
a
long
time
&
that made
me
avoid exposing myself
to
your
critical
eyes.
But
even
though
you
are
rightfully
a
little
angry
with
me,
there is
one
thing
you
have to give
me
credit
for, namely
that rather than
adding
to
my
sin
by
taking
shelter
behind
poor
excuses,
I
am
asking
you
simply
and
straightforwardly
to
forgive
me
-
and
answer
me as soon
as
possible.
I
am
very
happy
about
your
intention to continue
your
studies
here
again, just
do it pretty
soon;
I
am sure
you
will not regret it.
I
am
quite convinced that
you
will be able to catch
up
in
a
relatively
short time with the main
courses we
had. To be
sure,
it
puts
me
in
a
very
embarrassing position
if I have
to
tell
you
what material
we
covered.
Simply,
it's
only
here that
you
will
find the material
properly
arranged
and
elucidated.
Hurwitz lectured
on
differential equations (exclusive
of
partial
ones),
also
on
Fourier series,
a
little
on
calculus of variations
&
double integrals. Herzog
[on]
dynamics and strength of
materials,
on
the latter
very
lucidly
and well
--
on
dynamics somewhat
superficially,
which is quite natural with
a
"mass course." Weber
lectured
on
heat (temperature, heat
quantities,
thermal motion,
dynamic
theory of
gases)
with great mastery. I
am
looking forward
from
one
of his lectures
to
the
next. Fiedler lectures
on
projective
geometry, he is the
same
indelicate,
rude
man as
before
&
in addition
sometimes
opaque,
but
always
witty
&
profound
--
in
brief,
a
master
but,
unfortunately,
also
a
terrible schoolmaster. The only other
course
of
importance
that will give
you
a
lot to do is the theory of
numbers,
but
you
can
make
up
this subject by studying
privately
at
your
leisure.
If I
am
allowed to give
you
some
advice
(completely
unselfishly?),
it's that
you
come
here
as
soon as
possible, because
here
you
will find
everything
you
need compressed in
our
notebooks.
123
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