50.
TO
MILEVA MARIC
Zurich Paradies [Mettmenstetten,
early
August 1899]
D[ear] D[oxerl]
I bet
you are
surprised to
see my
hieroglyphs
so soon
again,
knowing what
a
lazy letter writer I
am.
Here in Paradies I live
a
very
quiet, nice, philistine
life with
my
mother-hen
&
sister,
exactly
the
way
the
pious
&
the
righteous
of
this world
imagine
Paradise to be.
Meanwhile,
I have
already
studied
quite
a
bit
of
Helmholtz
on
atmospheric
movements
--
out of fear of
you
&
also for
my
own
pleasure,
let
me
immediately
add that I will
reread the whole stuff with
you.
I admire the
original,
free mind of
Helmh.
more
and
more.
You,
poor
soul,
must
now
stuff
your
head full
of
gray
theory. But I know well both
you
and
your
divine
composure
&
know that
you'll accomplish
all that with
a
calm mind. Besides,
you
are
at home and
are
being
thoroughly pampered
as
is
proper
for
a
little daughter. To be
sure,
in
our
place in Zurich
you are
the
mistress of the
house,
which is
not
bad
either,
&
of what
a
marvelous
household at
that!
When I
was
reading
Helmholtz for the
first time,
it
seemed
inconceivable
that
you
were
not
with
me & now
it's not much
better.
I
find
the collaboration
very
good
&
curative
&
also less
desiccating.
I find
my
mother
&
sister
a
bit narrow-minded
&
philistine,
despite
all the
sympathy
I feel for them. It is strange
how
a
way
of
life
will
gradually change
us
and all the
nuances
of
our
soul,
so
that
the
closest natural bonds of
kinship
are
reduced to
a
friendship
born
of
habit
&
that
deep
inside
we
become
so
incomprehensible
to each
other that
we are
unable to
actively empathize
with the other and feel
what
moves
the other.
Now
you
have
just
enough
to
decipher, considering
how little
time
you
can now
devote to
me.
If
you
have
time,
write
me
again,
but if
not, I'll know the
reason.
Kindest
regards
to
your
d[ear]
family,
and
especially
to
you
from
your
Albert
51.
TO
JULIA NIGGLI
Paradies [Mettmenstetten]
Sunday
[6?
August 1899]
Dear Miss!
Thank
you
for
your
friendly
letter,
which
made
me
very
happy, the
more so
since it
gave
me
for the first time
here the
happy feeling
one
experiences
when
opening
a
personal
letter.
What
a
strange
thing
must be
a
girl's
soul! Do
you
really
believe
that
you
could
find
permanent
happiness
through others,
even
if this
be the
one
and only beloved man? I know this
sort of animal
personally,
from
my
own
experience
as
I
am one
of them
myself.
Not too
much should be expected from them,
this I know
quite
exactly. Today
we
are
sullen, tomorrow high-spirited, after
tomorrow cold, then again
irritated
and
half-sick
of life
--
and
so
it
goes
--
but I have almost
forgotten the unfaithfulness
&
ingratitude
&
selfishness,
things in
which
almost all
of
us
do
significantly
better than the good girls...
129