pillow,
and cried like
a
child. After she had recovered
from the
initial shock,
she
immediately
switched to
a
desperate offensive,
"You
are
ruining
your
future and blocking
your
path through
life". "That
woman
cannot gain
entrance to
a
decent
family."
"If she
gets
a
child,
you'll
be in
a
pretty mess." At this
last outburst, which had been
preceded by
several
others,
my
patience finally
gave
out.
I
rejected
the
suspicion
that
we
had been
living
in sin with all
my
might,
scolded
properly
& was
just ready
to leave the
room,
when Mama's
friend Mrs. Bär entered the
room, a
small, lively little
woman
full of
life,
such
a
sort of hen of the nicest
kind.
Thereupon
we
immediately
started to talk with the greatest
eagerness
about the weather,
new
spa
guests,
ill-behaved
children,
etc. Then
we
went to eat, after that
we
played
some
music. When
we
said
"good
night"
to each other
in
private, the
same
story started again, but "piu
piano."
Next day
things
were
already better, and this,
as
she herself
said,
for the
following
reason:
"If
they
have not
yet
had intimate relations
(so
much dreaded
by her)
and will wait
so
long,
then
ways
and
means
will
surely
be found."
Only
what is most terrible for her is that
we
want
to stay
together
forever. Her attempts
at
converting
me
were
based
on
speeches like: "She is
a
book
like
you
-
but
you
ought to have
a
wife." "When you'll be 30, she'll be
an
old hag,"
etc. But
as
she
sees
that in the meanwhile she is
accomplishing
nothing except
to make
me
angry,
she has
given
up
the "treatment" for the time
being.
Life and
people
here
are
hopelessly
dull
&
I
perfectly
understand
the
dissatisfaction
of Maya, who is
again
mad with joy
as
she looks
forward to Aarau. Each meal lasts
1
hour
and
more;
you can
imagine
what
a
hellish torture
[that
is] to
me.
Since, furthermore,
the
weather is
bad, in
my
desperation
I fled
to
Kirchhoff. Besides those
already
mentioned,
our
constant
hangers-on
include
my
aunt, the
Englishwoman,
the contessa with her
daughter,
who is
as
beautiful
as
she is stupid and cold. For Mama's sake I must flatter all of them
&
play music
-
otherwise she is offended, all the
more so as
she is
doubly sensitive because of the affair.
If only
I
could be
soon
again
with
you
in
Zurich,
my
little
sweetheart! Thousand
greetings and
colossal kisses from
your
Johannesl
"Kiss
Maya"
Don't write
anymore
to
our
d[ear] Weber, he is
going
to be in the
country.
69.
TO
MILEVA MARIC
[Melchtal] Wednesday
evening
[1
August 1900]
My
sweet little one!
How
glad
I
am
to know that
by
now
you
are
home with
your
good
old
lady,
who is
again marvelously fattening
up my
little
Doxerl,
so
that
she will rest again in
my arms
plump
as
a
dumpling
and healthy and
cheerful,
one
fancies
-
in the
beloved
oxistant's
arms; even
though,
in fact, I have
no news
yet from Zurich, the high
spirits produced
by
the carefree life and good food
are
giving
me
confidence. I think I
have not been
able
to
kiss
you
for
a
whole month and I
thoroughly
long
after
you.
Such
a
nimble, active thing like
my
Doxerl with her
142