1 6 V O L U M E 5 , D O C U M E N T S 1 7 7 a , 1 9 8 a Vol. 5, 177a. To Marie Winteler Zurich, [Bern?,] Wednesday [15 September 1909][1] Dearest Marie, I have written to you several times since you did not want to come to the window in Zurich, when I approached you despite Michele’s instructions.[2] But I wrote to ¢Zurich² Bern in the belief that you had pitched your wigwam permanently at his place. Thus, I can console myself with the fact that Michele, perhaps for pedagog- ical reasons, did not give you my letters. I continue to live with the memory of the few hours in which miserly fortune brought you to me. Otherwise, my life is as wretched as possible regarding the personal aspect. I escape the eternal longing for you only through strenuous work & rumination. So, at least tell me what rationale you have for fleeing from me like from a leper! My only happiness would be to see you again, or to receive a brief letter from you. Do you no longer like me or do you feel not entitled to fulfill this small wish for me? I am as if dead in this life filled with obligations, without love and without happiness. I ask you to please let me hear something from you, and I greet you from my heart. Your Albert Kind regards to Rosa and her children.[3] Vol. 5, 198a. To Marie Winteler Zurich, Monday [7 March 1910] Beloved Marie, This morning I wanted to come see you, because I didn’t believe I could hold out any longer against my yearning, and now I’m sitting here again in the institute[1] because I did not want to provoke the awful discord which that would have caused. But I must at least tell you. I think always with bitterness that you could imagine yourself deceived by me a second time, that you could regret that you trusted me so much last year. But you must understand it differently. I think of you with heartfelt love every free minute and am as unhappy as one can be. Failed love, failed life, that’s how it always reverberates to me. You would not believe
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